Keep On Moving: A Trans/Genderqueer Woman's Poem About Surviving Trump's Nazi Amerika by Traveling and Hiding on the Road
Keep On Moving:
A Trans/Genderqueer Woman's Poem About Surviving Trump's Nazi Amerika by Traveling and Hiding on the Road
All the roads I've been on
The life I've led as the world passes me by
All the things I've seen trying to be strong
But in the end, it slowly starts to break me and kills me inside
I've traveled, looking for somewhere to call home
Yet my soul knows no rest and I've been everywhere
Waking up in cold sweat in empty hotel rooms alone
Post traumatic hyper-vigilance from my nightmares
Over and over, it replays
Trying to stay sober, keep demons at bay
Living in a transgender body that everyone wants to kill every day
Transphobia running in their brainwashed thoughts and fits of public rage
I can't even go grocery shopping—the white supremacists make me feel afraid
So I keep on running, traveling nonstop to avoid a certain death to live another day
The open roads of Amerika is all I have left
A home away from home until the screams and hateful bigotry finally are silenced and I go deaf
Then I'd never have to worry about what they're plotting to do to me
I could ignore the world's hateful who's living in self-hate as a excuse for them to assault me
I've seen all the riots and revolutions
History repeating, the abusive cycle no one's breaking
I just wanna be free, alive and happy— not caged like helpless and abused animals in a broken white supremacist nation
Let me be the trans/genderqueer woman I was meant to be
I can't even step outside my door for a chance to breathe
Can't even smoke a little weed to calm the anxiety
Not only I'm running from white supremacists but I'm hiding from transphobic cops who wanna put me out of my misery
Motherfuckers always looking for new ways to clap me
Even as an innocent trans/genderqueer woman that I am, they just love to rape, murder and assault beautiful trans soul rebels just like me
So I keep on moving, keep on living
Keep on plane-hopping, keep on train-riding
Keep on boat-cruising, keep on bussing
Keep on writing the stories to tell
Keep on playing the songs to share while the world's going to Hell
Keep on walking, keep on crying
Keep on laughing, keep on loving
Until all the right-wingers and wannabe Christians fade away
Until all the white supremacists and wannabe Nazis are dead someday
The world needs healing, love, progressive ideals to turn into legitimate policies that would help us all live free and happy
No one gets to slave away and go hungry or cold in poverty
Everyone's lifted up, the war is over and we won the revolution
But until the day of freedom comes, I'm staying the fuck away from America and keep on living as a happy trans/genderqueer woman
Moving always, ever so on the road
Writing, singing, laughing, loving, crying, screaming and breathing
Someday, the world will love my trans rebel soul
But until that day, I keep on moving, fighting, believing and living.
Poems from the Dark
A Series of Horror and Gothic Themed Poetry
Notes from the Writer: Hello, October here again. It's been a while. Hope all is well with you. I do apologize for the silence here, but as you probably know, I've been on a self-care hiatus and have returned to writing poetry, short stories, novels and developing more creative/artistic projects in the works as of recently.
With that said, I hope you get to enjoy a series of poems that I wrote a while back with horror/gothic themes, in the style of ABC poetry, language poetry and unorthodox poetry styles. Some may make sense, some may not be as clear, but all is primarily fictional works of art, and should not be taken so seriously. I was inspired by the likes of Storm Constantine, H.P. Lovecraft, Poppy Z. Brite, Stephen King and even the great Edgar Allan Poe growing up, and I've had my shares of reading various poetry/novels from different genres/sub-genres, eras, writers/authors/poets, and even have read the works of Shakespeare himself. I've traveled the world on the hauntingly beautiful yet brutally honest poetic rantings of Jack Kerouac, Ginsberg and the entire Beat Generation poets. I've mused a bit here and there with the likes of Hunter S. Thompson, George Carlin and the Mad Genius/Great Big Mouth known as Corey Motherfucking Taylor.
So it is no surprise that I've also read horror/gothic themed poetry and stories growing up, and always found the underworld of such dark and brutal writings rather... um... fascinating. But I've been tested by my psychiatrist and therapist, and have been proven to be not crazy or anything of the sort that would make you potentially afraid of me. In fact, I did tweet a photo a while back showing my actual diagnosis of C-PTSD, Depression, Gender Dysphoria and some rather severe social anxiety, so you should know that even the best Gothic/horror writers, poets and authors were not crazy, but rather um... enigmatic in the way they approached writing in the horror/gothic literature world.
I figured I'd put that out there so as to tell the truth and also to confirm from multiple sources that the writings of my idols growing up has inspired me to try my hand at gothic/horror poetry, and to warn you that this is simply fictional and not even 100% true. Except for the poem called Gender Dysphoric Trans Daughter's Poetic Rant, which is based on my real life experience of being tortured in conversion therapy after being put in a "Christian boot camp" by my own mother, and having finally broken away from the camp and left home at a rather young age to be the happy trans woman that I've become today. Also, in another poem, Suicide of a Brother, it was actually based on a true story/real life experience of me losing one of my 7 brothers in my family to suicide when I was younger. It was particularly hard and difficult on me and still years later, disturbs me in the sense of post traumatic stress. Everything else written is still purely fictional except for the aforementioned poems named here.
As for poems like Alone with Dead Memories, it was actually a fictional poetry piece, and once again, is not true and nothing in real life actually happened to inspire such a haunting poem. And then there's a politically-driven Gothic themed poem called Escape from Organized Religion in a Transphobic Nazi Amerika, which was inspired by my real life experiences of struggling with being abused, censored and tortured by right-wing extremists and religious leaders in local community churches back home in Texas (I've not lived in Texas in many years since then), all because I came out as transgender. Conversion therapy DOES NOT work and can truly harm trans people and trans youth. DO NOT send your fucking kids or adult children to conversion therapy; it will lead them to being suicidal and severely traumatized later on. I speak from personal experiences.
And finally, Traumatized Survivor is actually a fictional poetry piece where I tried to put myself in the shoes of a horror film survivor like Jamie Lee Curtis (of Halloween fame) or Neve Campbell (when she did the Scream film series) or just about any other survivor who made it through original and sequel films like in Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the SAW series or the Hostel series or any other horror films you've probably ever seen in your entire lives, as much as I have seen them, and I thought it'd be cool to write a fictional viewpoint of the survivor after escaping a madman or a psychotic serial killer or even escaping the likes of Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street film series (the originals, mind you - fuck the remake) and recounting the experiences/memories in PTSD or C-PTSD terminology. It was a interesting attempt on creating such a rather intriguing piece of horror/gothic themed poetry like this, and I hope it was enjoyable for you to read when you get to it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
Anyway, if horror/gothic poetry is not your cup of tea, then I'd understand if you wish to skip this post altogether and await more poems, short stories, novels and artwork that is not horror/gothic themed. Remember, I write about anything and everything, from BDSM to transgender issues, from porn/sex work to gothic/horror themed fictional works and more. It keeps the mind fresh full of new ideas every day, and keeping in mind, I hope you really do enjoy what I'm about to present to you now.
"Alone with Dead Memories"
In darkness and light
The kitchen flooded
A dish with Mother's teeth
Choking reflection above
Break of any remembrance
The night she faded away
"Suicide of a Brother"
I squashed mischievous insects
Between copies of America 51 and Seven Deadly Sins: Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Goods.
There is a process of the Dead
Upstairs my brain as I rest
My flesh and blood is on his own
Inventing his tragic demise.
"Gender Dysphoric Trans Daughter's Poetic Rant"
Spark halting in the Aftermath
View of the person
And the sharp needle of shame
Nauseating even by the mother
The waste of the son
Utter a excuse of the stranger
I'm not the son anymore
I'm the unwanted daughter
O, Mother, why deny my existence?
Now the world will expect my resistance
You gave birth to a Gender Dysphoric child
I now leave home years later to a transgender exile
Rant, rant, rant
Write, fuck, love, hate
Kiss, eat, pray, live
Everywhere I've gone, where I'm going next
O, Mother, Mother - the roads I've taken far away from you
Remember the waste of the son that's now your daughter
"Escape from Organized Religion in a Transphobic Nazi Amerika"
Save the unloved
X your zealots
I winced to picture them
Knowing not why it was important
Where they dripped
Torn apart from another
Caught me between the
Black ugly dream
Saliva flowing into the eyes