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Notes about the song: This song was originally written and recorded as part of my previous 3-part trilogy album with my old bandmates from Wanderlust Grrrl's On The Road Sessions, but in the end, it turned out to be an original studio demo as a preview of what's to come next in my solo album and will be re-written, re-recorded, re-mixed, re-mastered and re-edited later on. In the meantime, enjoy this track as a sneak peek of what's next in my self-titled solo project/music industry career in the coming months while I'm in the studio working on the long-overdue solo album.

Also, this song is about struggles that I've faced while living with C-PTSD on the road and has a theme of homelessness and wanderlust in it as well, trying to paint a picture of what living with C-PTSD looks like from a visual, musical, lyrical and storytelling point of view.

Namaste, Rock On, Talk Hard and Never Let the Music Stop,
October Evans.

Music by October Rain Evans, Vanessa Lacey, Lily Jane Jameson and Matthew Camacho
Lyrics by October Rain Evans
Trans Mad Genius Lyrics/sadistsateme.songwriting
Vanessa Lacey Music
Lily Jane Music
Matthew Camacho Music (BMI/ASCAP)
Produced, Mixed, Mastered, Edited and Recorded by October Rain Evans, Lily Jane Jameson and Shawn Jameson
Bass - Lily Jane Jameson
Guitar - Vanessa Lacey
Drums/Percussion: Matthew Camacho
Keys – Shawn Jameson
Tambourine - Amy Wilder
Recorded at Chiaroscuro Music Studios
© ℗ 2018 October Evans, Uprising Music Collective. All Rights Reserved.
Amy Wilder and Shawn Jameson Appears Courtesy of Uprising Music Collective as Multi-Instrumentalists and Special Guest Studio Musicians


[VERSE 1]:
In the darkness I am bound to the pain
Always waking up to the cold rain
Lost and dizzy with disdain
Is there anyone here who can understand the state that I’m in?

[VERSE 2]:
Drinking every memory away
Trying to forget the trauma that I don't want to relive everyday
All I wish for is silence from the transphobic hate I suffer through
There seems to be no way to get through to you

I’m just sleeping awake
Knowing everything here is fake
I’m just sleeping awake
Trapped in the insanity, slowly starting to break
I’m sleeping awake watching everything disappear
I’m sleeping awake watching it all fall down, gone forever

[VERSE 3]:
Watching life fade in a blink of an eye
Too many chances I missed, feeling comfortably numb inside
Eyes wide open yet this pain clouds my sight
Lost along the way, wishing I was home in the mountains tonight


So many roads taken and yet on every road, I managed to derail
All my life, I was forced to learn how to fail
But I keep moving on, because second chances are still around
So, I ride on, finding myself again before it’s too late to save myself now

Sleeping awake [x4]

[Verse 4]:
Sleeping awake no more
I won’t stay numb, missing too much of my life anymore
A new way to breathe again
20 years later, and here I am, letting out all the shit I was forced to hold inside.