1. Until Now
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Lyrics by October Rain Evans
Music by Dakoda Tanksley and October Rain Evans

October Rain Evans - Vocals/Lyricist/Singer-Songwriter
Dakoda Tanksley - Acoustic Guitars (both as lead and as rhythm acoustic guitarist)

Originally Recorded at Dakoda's studio in Colorado and Chiaroscuro Music Studios in Vermont
Re-recorded, reproduced, remixed and remastered by Ryan Cohen and Robot the Doggy at Robot Dog Studio
Executive Producers: October Rain Evans and Ryan Cohen
Co-Executive Producer: Robot the Doggy
Mixing, Mastering and Engineering by Ryan Cohen
Trans Soul Rebel Lyrics/sadistsateme.songwriting/October Evans Music/Deaf Grrrl Music [ASCAP]
Dakoda Tanksley Music [BMI]
©℗ 2016-2021 October Evans, Robot Dog Studio, Chiaroscuro Music Studios. All Rights Reserved.


Until now…
I’ve been lost searching for answers
Sleepless with eyes wide open
I never knew peace until I found myself here again
Until now…

I’ve been drifting away on icy seas
Never found hope on these lonely streets
Mistakes I made as I kept falling apart
Words I’ve said I meant from the heart
It was all gone until now…

There’s a light blinding me in my sleep
Restless nights in hotel rooms crying
Left on a train to Brattleboro
Never knew the meaning of home
I was too far gone until now…

Supposed to be left for dead
Lost in bottles of beer and pills
All the winters spent alone inside my head
No silence from my Post Traumatic Devils
Thought I was forever lost until now…

I finally unzipped out of this shell
I escaped this transphobic hell
So comfortable in my transgender skin
I wasn’t okay until I became a woman.