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credits |
Recorded, Mixed, Produced, Edited and Written in multiple studio locations across the United States and parts of Canada during the COVID-19 pandemic by the following musicians whose credits are listed below in their assistance with this release:

October Rain Evans - Lead Vocals/Lyricist/Singer-Songwriter
Paul Kinman - Lead Guitarist/Co-Songwriter/Acoustic Guitarist
Mark Corradetti - Bass Guitarist/Co-Songwriter
Brandon Davis - Drummer/Percussionist/Co-Songwriter

Recorded at Chiaroscuro Music Studios in Vermont and several other music studio locations in Pennsylvania, California and Vancouver (British Columbia, Canada).

Mixing and Mastering by Taylor Bull at Seventh Wave Records
Post-Production by Taylor Bull at Seventh Wave Records
Executive Producer: Taylor Bull
Co-Executive Producer: October Evans

Lyrics Written by October Rain Evans
Music by Paul Kinman, Mark Corradetti and Brandon Davis
Trans Soul Rebel Lyrics/sadistsateme.songwriting/October Evans Music/Deaf Grrrl Music [ASCAP]
Paul Kinman Music [BMI/ASCAP]
Mark Corradetti Music [BMI/ASCAP]
Brandon Davis Music [BMI/ASCAP]
Taylor Bull Music [BMI]
©℗ 2019-2021 Chiaroscuro Music Studios, Seventh Wave Records, October Evans. All Rights Reserved.

Studio Musicians:
Lead Vocals/Lyricist/Songwriter: October Rain Evans
Lead and Rhythm Electric Guitars: Paul Kinman
Acoustic Guitars: Paul Kinman
Bass Guitars: Mark Corradetti
Drums/Percussion: Brandon Davis

Lyrics

In the darkness I am bound to the pain
Always waking up to the cold rain
Lost and dizzy from Absinthe
Is there anyone here who can understand the state that I'm in

Drinking every memory away
Trying to escape the trauma I don't wanna relive every day
All I wish for is silence from the transphobic hate you put me through
There seems to be no way to get through to you

I'm just sleeping awake
Knowing everyone here is fake
I'm just sleeping awake
Drowning in addiction, about to break
I'm sleeping awake watching everything disappear
I'm sleeping awake watching it all fall, gone forever

Watching life fade in a blink of an eye
Too many mistakes I've made, turned comfortably numb inside
My smile fools them while I pretend to be fine
Lost along the way, wishing I was home in the mountains tonight

I'm just sleeping awake
Knowing everyone here is fake
I'm just sleeping awake
Drowning in addiction, about to break
I'm sleeping awake watching everything disappear
I'm sleeping awake watching it all fall, gone forever

This journey has been all too surreal
All my life, I was forced to learn how to fail
Holding on for a second chance this time around
Looking for peace before it's too late to save myself now

Sleeping awake
Sleeping awake

Sleeping awake no more
I won't stay numb, missing too much of my life anymore
I know I can face this shit sober
20 years later and here I am, letting out all the shit I was forced to hold inside